so i spent shabbat sitting in a cafe working on finals in west jerusalem and then in the late afternoon, the cafe shut down and said there is a city law that everything had to close for tisha b'av
fine, so we went to the old city and found a place with tables and wifi and food near damascus gate that wouldnt mind us sitting there for hours. and it was near a "magav station" where there are always 2-4 border police ppl standing there
but it was apparently a meeting point for dispersing throughout the old city, i didn't even think about how they would close damascus gate to palestinians and set up arbitrary checkpoints that would allow jews to pass and make palestinians sit and wait or go super inconvenient ways to get out of this literally sealed place
as we zipped up our backpacks and paid the restaurant owner, a palestinian tried to drive his car out of the old city. the magavnikim stopped him, IDed him, asked him some questions. he was given permission to proceed, and one of the magavniks pointed his gun toward the guy's head the entire time he drove, aiming light on and everything for a precise hit.
and i know tisha b'av is about mourning atrocities committed against the jewish people, i know it's about the temple and a lot of other horrific things and i wanted to feel that sadness. i wanted to embrace my jewishness without mangling in the complexities of zionism and israel and all of that
but i was, i don't know, 700 meters from where the temple once stood. and trying to get out through damascus gate. next to me was a woman wearing a hijab, holding the hand of a young child, more kids around her. she was telling the soldier in hebrew, "please, we live in shuafat, they can't walk the long way around, we just need to get through there." she had her israeli-issued ID to prove her address and residency. he wouldn't budge. there were dozens of other people behind us.
and it was hard to feel anything about the temple. it was hard to feel anything about the historical tragedies where we were oppressed. it was hard to feel anything besides rage over the fact that this beautiful religion and culture and ethnicity was being used over and over and over again to humiliate palestinians and dehumanize them and remind them that ultimately, some 19- and 20-year-olds decide their fate each day... depending on higher orders, depending on a lot of things, but sometimes just depending on their mood
all i could think about was sinat chinam and how jerusalem is the most broken city i can think of, so far from wholeness, even though its hebrew name yerushalyim has the root shin-lamed-mem, meaning whole.
